Hospice Blues

Woke up this morning
Pondered my dues and my debt,
Smelled something funny
Damn, my diaper is wet,
Called to my Nurse
Oh Baby, I need you,
She said, “Make up your mind –
Should I wipe you or feed you”.

Oh, that woman is so cold
She won’t cut me any slack,
Slipping Ben Franklin from my wallet
Whenever I turn my back,
But what can I do
I’m disabled and weak,
I needed a good nurse
But, this one’s a freak.

My mojo isn’t working
On this devilish caregiver,
She’s ‘sposed to cook me good meals
Not, Friskies chopped liver,
Man, she’s being paid
To do her nails and watch TV,
That’s all she ever does
Instead of watching over me.

Now I’m fighting back
With old fashioned voodoo,
I slipped some black cat bone
And my John the conqueroo,
Into her sugar-free Pepsi
That she drinks all day long,
Pretty soon she’ll be singing
The Billy Bob song.

Oh, Billy whatcha need
My attention is all yours,
Baby, grab me a Heineken
And wheel me out doors,
Rub my feet and my back
Then cook me a good dinner,
She’ll say, “Bless you, Sir BB
Thanks for saving this sinner”.

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