Out of Place Animals

Stupid humans
Don’t blame the dogs,
Other kinds of pets?
Let’s say,
Aardvarks and hogs,
Would ya bring ’em to the hospital
Draped on your arm,
Why the Hell not
If they don’t do any harm.

C’mon, don’t be a jackass
Please leave them in the car,
As I Nurse, I have to wonder
Is your brain smothered in tar,
From whatever you’re smoking
But no, this is the West Coast…
Where any damned kind of animal
Is like a slice of white toast.

Take them to the hospital
Carry’em to church,
On your lap in the car
In the name of research,
Say, they are a companion
They assist you in life,
You’re divorced 3 times
Fi-Fi is better than a wife.

Why shouldn’t it be Ok?
Fi-Fi keeps clean,
She licks her private parts
Kisses my face, see what I mean?
And I don’t get sick
So why should your babies,
If Fi-Fi tries to lick them
Fer sure, they won’t get rabies.

So, don’t take offense
When I call Security,
When your frickin friendly ferret
Offends my sense of purity,
When I have no idea
What viruses he has colonized,
My patient with Lymphoma
Surely has been compromised.

I just can’t get over it
But I won’t blame the pet,
It’s the owners with pea brains
They are clearly the threat.


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